Sunday, October 16, 2011

VH1's Top 100 Songs of the 2000s, or, I Give Up

Okay,so VH1 had their Top 100 Songs of the 2000s on this week, and man did it make me feel old. I clearly have to update my profile to change the phrase “pop music” to “new” or “other” or something, because whatever it is that I like, it sure isn’t popular, at least not on the scale of these songs.

They fall into various groups that maybe get more pathetic as they go on, with the occasional snarky comment in italics, to make me forget the pathetic-ness:

Songs that I Know and Love (2):
14. Gnarls Barkley, “Crazy”
33. Johnny Cash, “Hurt “
As Austin Powers would say, "And that's about it." Just two. There’s nothing more to say, except for you telling me what good taste I have.

Songs I Know and “Like” (19):
By which I mean I wouldn’t switch them off if they came on the radio, and maybe even sing along to.
2. OutKast, “Hey Ya!” – Not their best, but good.
6. Kanye West featuring Jamie Foxx, “Gold Digger”
8. Jay-Z featuring Alicia Keys, “Empire State of Mind”
13. Green Day, “American Idiot”
15. U2 , “Beautiful Day”
17. Coldplay, “Clocks”
18. Christina Aguilera, “Beautiful” mainly because it’s pro gay.
22. Alicia Keys, “Fallin’”
23. P!nk, “Get the Party Started”
26. The White Stripes, “Seven Nation Army”
28. Madonna, “Music”
31. Amy Winehouse, “Rehab”
42. Train, “Drops of Jupiter (Tell Me)”
44. Red Hot Chili Peppers, “Californication”
49. Lady Gaga, “Bad Romance”
53. Blink-182, “All the Small Things “
55. The Killers, “Mr. Brightside”
81. Bruce Springsteen, “The Rising”
88. Fountains of Wayne, “Stacy’s Mom”
89. M.I.A., “Paper Planes”

Songs I Know and Don’t Love (13):
I don’t hate them, but I just don’t care very much about them
5. Kelly Clarkson, “Since U Been Gone”. Way too polished to convey genuine emotion.
7. Justin Timberlake featuring Timbaland, “SexyBack” I don’t know, do young heterosexual men like this song? I gues they can sing it to girls they meet in bars.
12. Black Eyed Peas, “I Gotta Feeling”
16. Beyoncé, “Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)”
30. Gwen Stefani, “Hollaback Girl”
37. Britney Spears, “Oops!…I Did It Again”
41. R. Kelly, “Trapped in the Closet”
47. Christina, Lil’ Kim, Mya, Pink, “Lady Marmalade”
52. Shakira feautring Wyclef, “Hips Don’t Lie”
78. Plain White T’s, “Hey There Delilah”
86. Aerosmith, “Jaded”
98. 3 Doors Down, “Kryptonite”
100. Sisqò, “Thong Song”  Wait, maybe I do hate this one...

Songs I’ve Heard Of But Maybe Never Heard (5):
These songs have names or phrases that have sunk into the culture so thoroughly that one needn’t actually hear the song.
19. Destiny’s Child, “Bootylicious”
20. Britney Spears, “Toxic”
21. Jay-Z , “99 Problems”
24. Missy Elliott, “Get Ur Freak On”
43. Katy Perry, “I Kissed a Girl”

Songs That, Once You Play Them, I Say, Oh Yeah, That One (7):
And they’re not bad. Just a reflection of how out of touch I am.
1. Beyoncé featuring Jay-Z, “Crazy in Love”. This young lady is so likable (and so beautiful) that I’ll just have to get to know her better.
3. Lady Gaga, “Poker Face” LG’s a lotta fun.
4. Eminem, “Lose Yourself” He makes jokes and then wants to get all serious. Make up your mind, man.
10. 50 Cent, “In Da Club”  Supposedly a thug, but I suspect a phony.
29. Foo Fighters, “The Best of You”
69. Evanescence, “Bring Me to Life”
84. Linkin Park, “In the End”

Songs That, Once You Play Them, I Say, Nope, Never Heard It:
The rest, actually. About 54 songs. Kinda sad, really. I mean, if I’m supposed to do a blog on popular music, I suppose I should have heard them. And if you did play them, maybe I’d say, oh yeah, that one, but probaly not in a good way.
9. Mariah Carey, “We Belong Together” I just don’t get this lady.
11. Rihanna featuring Jay-Z, “Umbrella” I have to admit that this sounded pretty good when I finally did hear it..

And it’s about here, at fifty two more to go, that I just stop caring. (My) life’s too short.

Now that I’ve expressed my opinion, young America need no longer hold its breath.

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