WTFITS, or When “Bad” CDs Happen to Good People

Congratulations. You just bought a CD.

You figured Let me see what all the fuss is about. I’m a groovy guy, I can still dig what the young folks dig, right? So you put on your bell bottoms and earth shoes and head down to the record store. You ask where the albums are because all you see are CDs. They tell you that unless you’re a DJ (somehow they know you aren’t) the album you want is only available in CD format (or you could download it, but let’s not even go there). You call your kids, who assure you that there is a CD player in the house so it’s safe to buy some.

Now you could let this little bump in the road throw you - you could chicken out and just look for an album you’re already familiar with (I can just see you boring your kids with You see this is the part where you’re supposed to turn it over, etc.) but that would defeat the whole purpose of this trip. You’re a cool guy! You can handle the new stuff! So what if the wife looks at you funny? You’ve learned to ignore that by now, haven’t you?

So you buy something. It’s one of those new fangled records you read about in your local newspaper. And although it’s a family paper, the reviewer is trying to be hip, and overcompensates by excessively praising a band with more cache than actual talent.

So, like the diet book that makes it all the way from the book store to your home, but never quite to the top of your reading list, let alone in the form of food on your dinner table, the CD just sits there. The one major difference between the CD and the diet book is that you’ve probably listened to the CD once. Hey, how hard is it to cut open the cellophane (very, actually) and slap it onto the CD player (after the kids have shown you how, that is)? I mean, it’s not like the lyrics are a lecture on the dangers of trans fatty acids or something. So you get that far at least.

But when you put it on, you…just…don’t …get it. In other words, your reaction is WTFITS? (English translation: “My, but isn’t this different?…”) Don’t panic.

There are very few CDs that fit any mood, and I’ll go further to say that, with rare exception, those that do should be considered wall paper, not music. So don’t let it throw you that you maybe didn’t like it right away. Wait until you’re in the mood. How’s that for a switch?

I went into some detail in an early post about how to deal with new music, but that was meant for those CDs that puzzle you. Now I’m talking about the stuff that you’re embarrassed to play around other human beings (as opposed to what you should be embarrassed to play around others), or is at the very least, totally inappropriate for the matter at hand. (Irish music and sex, for instance - “Celtic Moods”, not withstanding.) I didn’t develop a sense of this myself until a friend pointed out that the Brian Eno record I had on– early, baroque Brian Eno, not the later spacey Brian Eno – wasn’t exactly conducive to hitchhiking to the beach. Whatever you think of Eno, he certainly isn’t your “let’s get this party started” kind of guy. OK, now I know.

During an otherwise stellar record store run (Neil Young, Graham Parker, Bryan Ferry, come to think of it, this was when I picked up Eno….) I got “Second Edition” by Public Image Ltd. PIL was Johnny (Rotten) Lydon’s band after the Sex Pistols. I played it a few times and felt like I had crash-landed on a hostile planet. So I put it away for several months. One dark gloomy fall day I felt like trying it again, and it totally floored me. It remains one of my favorite albums, and comes in handy when I want to chase unwelcome guests away.

Okay, now I know what some of you are thinking. Music, like sex, is meant to be enjoyed, usually with others. Listening to it shouldn’t feel like homework. Can’t I just put it on and enjoy? I can’t argue with that, but I also can’t help thinking that if I just stuck with the artists that I knew I liked, I would quickly get into a rut, and eventually hit a dead end, listlessly buying their latest record, and concluding that, while not great, it was certainly better than their last one. It’s like when a farmer plants the same crop year after year. It deadens the soil, and things stop growing. He knows he has to plant something new every couple of years to replenish the soil.

Well, that’s where my agricultural expertise ends. My point is that I’m always on the lookout for something different. I’ll admit that there are some records that manage to walk that fine line of sounding both vitally new and yet familiar. But let’s leave that to people like Neil Young and John Prine.

There’s a point in your life when you realize that your record collection has to mean something. (Jesus Christ, I can’t believe that I just wrote that. Let it stand. You’ll think I’m kidding.) I recently read somewhere that reading fiction is an act of self definition. I think it’s even more true when it comes to record buying. If all your record library contains are the most popular records, then what purpose did it serve? You could have saved yourself a lot of money and just turned on the radio.

So a little WTF is good for you. If you’re up for it, besides PIL, I can definitely recommend these:

Soul Coughing: Ruby Vroom (Remember, not at dinner time!)

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Now playing: Soul Coughing - Blue Eyed Devil
via FoxyTunes

X: Wild Gift One of the great punk albums.

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Now playing: X - I'm Coming Over
via FoxyTunes

Brian Eno: Taking Tiger Mountain (By Strategy) But please, not right before the beach.

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Now playing: Brian Eno - Burning Airlines Give You So Much More
via FoxyTunes

They each caused some dismay upon first listen, but eventually wormed their way onto my favorites. And aren’t good friends like that?

Listening Skills

So you bought a new CD and now you’re just putting it on. Don’t just sit there doing nothing, waiting for it an epiphany. Go do the dishes or something. If the CD’s good, it will get your attention. And maybe not the first time, either. Sometimes you have to just give it time. Some of my all time favorite albums didn’t hit me until listen six. A couple, even later than that.

Listen to your inner cheapskate who is telling you I just spent x dollars on this thing, I’d better invest at least a few spins in it. If you’re the type who spends good money on a CD and then puts it away after one listen, you obviously have way too much of it. Stop buying music, and give the money to charity. I’ll include my address.

The reason I’m going on about this is that you could very easily dismiss a perfectly good CD because you are in one mood and the CD is good for a completely different one. So it’s important to find the right time play it.

First, don’t open a new CD by an artist you don’t know, and then play it during “family time”. It’s the “No Soul Coughing at Dinner Time” Rule. I came to love their CD “Ruby Vroom” but it really didn’t work for the wife and kids at that moment. (It kicked in big time on a Walkman during a long train ride, though.)

Then there’s the right time of day. This is very subjective, since it has a lot to do with whether you’re a morning or an evening person. If when you first wake up, you can’t decide to use the razor to shave or slit your wrists, you probably shouldn’t put on Meat Loaf (music or food) at 7am. If you are a little more chipper than that, and think ML would be cool at that time, as one ex-girlfriend did, you should probably stop reading this now anyway. If you live next door to me, you’ve probably heard from me already.

Some CDs are great in the morning, like Miles Davis’ “Kind of Blue” or Nick Drake’s “Five Leaves Left” because of how they can gracefully ease you into the day. These same CD’s may seem a bit draggy by mid-day when you have to be somewhere and you’re still waiting for the artist to get dressed.

Time of the year is important too. I like tuneful pop and energetic electric guitars during the summer, as a way of fending off the heat and humidity. I don’t recommend being too adventurous. You want something that will bear you up while the sun is beating down on you. It should probably be either very familiar sounding or just plain pleasant. After all, it’s hot as hell out there. But that’s me. I once played Peter Gabriel’s third album (you know, the one about torture, war and assassination…hmm…maybe this isn’t helping) for a captive audience on a beautiful summer day while driving to a Mets game. The only reason I survived was that everyone was too depressed to beat the sh*t out of me. The Mets lost, too. I like the album a lot, but it’s definitely for the winter.

The autumn is for more song oriented albums. Less flash, more texture and depth. The more melancholy the better. Break out those minor chords! But nothing too heavy. Summer’s just finished fer chrissakes! In the late fall, as the holidays begin, I find myself listening to music that I had listened to before at this same time of year. It really brings back the memories, and can put you in the holiday mood without having to listen to a bunch of Christmas songs you’re totally sick of. The important thing, though, is to get something new so that you will remember this year, too.

Winter (after Christmas) is for experimentation. I’m hibernating anyway so I don’t want anything too happy or uplifting. I may have asked for a boxed set for Christmas (“The Complete History of Depressing Music”). The windows are shut tight and it’s kind of quiet. Everyone’s in bed. This is good, because I may have another Soul Coughing on my hands.

Spring depresses the hell out of me for some reason (perhaps the music I’ve been listening to for the prior three months?), so I need music that heals whatever imaginary wounds I’ve inflicted on myself. This is a very hard quality to pin down. The music should be soothing but not boring. The one that worked best for me is Yo La Tengo’s “I Can Hear the Heart Beat As One”. But for those of you who prefer to sit back and enjoy your depression, I suggest Wilco’s “Yankee Hotel Foxtrot”, which I spent several months listening to, to the exclusion of all else. Sometimes the healing just has to wait.

You can probably think of your own favorites that are specific to a time of year or a time of day. When you try to place them in a different context, they just don’t work as well. You don’t have ice cream for breakfast, and you probably don’t have cereal at night, so why wouldn’t you have similar needs or preferences when trying to nourish your soul?

Now go and enjoy your new music.

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Now playing: Soul Coughing - Casiotone Nation
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: Peter Gabriel - Biko
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: Yo La Tengo - The Lie and How We Told It
via FoxyTunes
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Now playing: Wilco - I Am Trying To Break Your Heart
via FoxyTunes