Brenda, or, For a Rocker

I first met Brenda back in 1981.  She was my girlfriend’s roommate and best friend. 

She usually wore denim, but I like to remember her wearing a leather jacket, because she always reminded me of Chrissie Hynde, even though they didn’t really look all that much alike.

But, like Chrissie, Brenda was a rocker.  Not a loud obnoxious poser, mind you.  Just someone who loved rock and roll, a cigarette and a beer.  She was actually quiet and unassuming.  But a rocker, nonetheless.

My friends could never figure her out.  But there was nothing to figure out.  Brenda was there for all to see and know.  She didn’t try to shove it in your face.  I thought she was just great.

Brenda was on the “other side” of the big musical debates of the day – punk vs. metal, Grateful Dead vs. Led Zeppelin, etc.  (Let’s not even touch politics.)  But, man, she could surprise you.  She bought “Purple Rain” before any of us – because she liked what she heard on the radio, and was honest enough to go with that.  I always admired that.

A few years ago, I got "Hank Williams Greatest Hits" as a Christmas present.  When I first put it on,  I braced myself for my wife's reaction.  But she just sang along.  It seems that Brenda would put it on when they were cleaning the apartment together.

Brenda took my poke at Led Zeppelin with good humor, even though I know it kind of pissed her off a little.  She was good like that.  Or she was just used to putting up with my  bullsh*t.

We hung out a lot, drinking, talking.  Then everybody started to get married.  Me and my girlfriend.  Brenda and her boyfriend.  When the kids came along, there would be the baptism or communion parties, but we saw less and less of each other.  And when she and her family moved upstate, and then to Pennsylvania, we’d go years without seeing each other.

One of my favorite memories of her was from September of 2005.  She came into town with her sister Mary (another rocker, and pretty f*cking fearless, I might add) and daughters Kelly - Brenda’s spitting image - and Shannon, one of the sweetest kids I ever met.  Kelly wanted to see the White Stripes, who were playing at a local outdoor venue.  The Shins, who we loved, were the opening act.  So what the hell, let’s all go.  We had a nice barbecue at the house, and then headed out to the stadium with - what else? - a cooler full of beer.

Brenda had just gotten over a bout of cancer, so although her outfit was the usual denim, her hair was a post-chemo crew cut.  She was by far the coolest looking person there, even though she was twenty years older than most of them.  Kelly got into the show while the rest of us hung out in the parking lot, or wandered around the boardwalk.  It was a beautiful fall evening at the beach with music, beer and old friends.  We even ran into my cousin the police captain doing crowd control.  I’ll never forget his What the hell are you doing here? expression.  Anyway, it was great night with too much beer drank by all concerned, so everybody slept over.

My wife had her own battle with cancer the year before, with more to come later, so we had the added dimension of post-war camaraderie.  Being all city kids, we were sharp enough to understand that we may have only been between world wars.  So I’d be lying if I said “little did we know”.  We knew very well indeed.  They would both have to fight their wars again. 

We last saw Brenda a month ago.  Nobody was kidding themselves about the situation – she was clearly near the end- and hospice arrangements were being made.  I’d like to say it was like a Hallmark movie but that would be a crock.  Real life is always there, staring you in the face.  But Brenda always just stared right back at it.

I tried to impress her kids with stories of her drummer ex-boyfriend, seeing Rocky Horror how many times, and going to local clubs to see some unknown punk band.  But it really wasn’t necessary.  They already knew she was cool.

Both of us being Irish, we aren’t very demonstrative with our emotions.  But when we left that day, we gave each other the strongest hug I can remember.  Even though she was wearing a heavy robe, I could still feel her bones.

Brenda died last Thursday. 

Now her kids, who also lost their father a few years ago, will carry on.  Sean, Kelly, Shannon – you are wonderful, intelligent, beautiful young people.  Go make your mom proud.  I know you will because you have a part of her in you.

Brenda wasn’t a celebrity.  She wasn’t rich or famous.  But she had class, which means she wouldn’t rate a mention on Access Hollywood.  I consider that a badge of honor.  She was just a friend (and a sister and a mother and…) who you could hang out with.  Brenda just was.

So, if you read this, goddamn it, you’re going to f*cking know she existed.

Love you, Brenda.  Rest in Peace.

Decade: 2002 - Waiting for the Ashes to Land

Winter:

To most people, comfort music is what you already know and love, and you use it to make yourself feel better. For me, ideally, it’s something new, but easy to get into - a new, safe place to be.

And why not? If it isn’t the world going to hell, it’s stuff immediately around you. It was a year for either finding peace or going numb. Some people use drugs, I use music. So, what what's my poison, you ask?

Not the Strokes “Is This It?”, as good as it is. It’s just a little too…professional for me. Too much calculation and not enough joy. It’s good party music, but I only party every once in a while.
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Now playing: The Strokes - Soma via FoxyTunes

And not quite the White Stripes “White Blood Cells”, either, though it’s a better record. Like the Strokes, the Stripes play loud rock and roll, but it’s in a more raw and crazed way. Maybe a bit too much so for me at that time.
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Now playing: The White Stripes - Now Mary via FoxyTunes

Neither record could help me through my post 9/11 winter blues.

Spring/Summer:

So I tried the dbs twofer “Stands for Decibels” and “Percussion”, which was very tuneful, but a little too light and cute.
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Now playing: The dB's - Neverland via FoxyTunes

Better was Sebadoh’s “Bake Sale”. Loud, lofi and rough – everything you should avoid during the summer. And yet, it was exactly what I needed. Pained, angry and finally resigned. Perfect.
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Now playing: Sebadoh - Together or Alone via FoxyTunes

Meanwhile, my wife tried out the “Oh Brother, Where Art Thou?” soundtrack, which I find hilarious since she runs out of the house screaming whenever I play stuff like this. But, hey, it’s a good record. I like putting it on when she’s not looking, so when she gives me that “please take this sh-t off” look, I tell her it’s her record. It’s a wonder I haven’t been killed in my sleep by now. If you don’t hear from me, you know what happened.

I also got her Morrisey’s “Bona Drag” – a collection of his singles - since who can keep up with him since he left the Smiths anyway? And it’s good, too, but in that limited, Morrisey kind of way. I recommend 1991’s “Your Arsenal”.

Fall:

I decide to hedge my bets this year, so instead of the typical birthday splurge, I pick up a couple of more or less known quantities from BMG. First, there’s Bob Dylan’s “Love and Theft” which I don’t love quite as much as “Time Out of Mind”. Only now do I actively enjoy it.

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Now playing: Bob Dylan - Mississippi via FoxyTunes

Luckily I hit paydirt with Old ‘97s “Satellite Rides”. This one restored my faith in music’s ability to bring post-9/11 joy. Granted, it was recorded before that blot on our memories, but it’s smart and tough enough to keep you from feeling guilty about loving it.
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Now playing: Old 97's - King of All the World via FoxyTunes

I also took the plunge into hip-hop with Run DMC’s “Raisin’ Hell”. This 1985 Rick Rubin produced record is Chuck D’s all time favorite, and is definitely old school. The following year, Rubin would produce the Beastie Boy’s very similar “Licensed to Ill”, which I prefer because of its many rock and roll samples. But Hell’s got “Walk This Way”.

And let’s not forget Lisa Simpson’s all time favorite: Miles Davis “Birth of the Cool”. Mine is an extended version, with additional live versions of several songs. Miles is taking it a little slower here - Charlie Parker damn near wore him out – but it still challenging to ears like mine. I find it preferable to some of his later records where he trots out the same four or five riffs every few minutes.

So off to the record store I go, and I get Black Supermarket Clash, which is a CD expanded version of their generous-enough-as-it-was EP ”Black Market Clash” from late 1980. You know, between double album “London Calling” and triple album “Sandinista!” that same year. I guess they had some extra time on their hands. BSMC now runs almost a full 80 minutes, and contains great early stuff like “Capital Radio Two”, “Jail Guitar Doors” “Gates of the West” and “Groovy Times”. It kind of drags a bit towards the end with the Sandanista out-takes, but it’s clear from this that they were titans.
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Now playing: The Clash - Groovy Times via FoxyTunes

I also finally broke down and got Nick Drake’s “Five Leaves Left”. When you get an early 70s folk record, you’re really taking your chances. You never know if the guy is going to be too whimsical, or too sensitive-in-order-to-get-laid. And this guy had all the usual buzz that I’d normally associate with lame actual music. Well it turns out that he’s every bit as good as I’d hoped.

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Now playing: Nick Drake - Time Has Told Me via FoxyTunes

Badly Drawn Boy’s “Hour of Bewilderbeast” is the next great record of the decade. Nuff said.
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Now playing: Badly Drawn Boy - Pissing in the Wind
via FoxyTunes

And of course, I can’t seem to leave the record store anymore without picking up jazz. This time it was Sonny Rollins’ “Saxophone Collosus”, the title of which might imply the muscular, almost physical playing of a John Coltrane. Not so. Sonny’s touch here is lighter - too light for me to even hear for a few years. For easy listening fans who want, for once, to be cool.

Thanksgiving:

Another trip to the used CD store, and this time I found Elliot Smith’s “XO” and Old 97s “Fight Songs”.

You remember Elliot from the Oscars, don’t you? He was up for Best Song for “Miss Misery” from Good Will Hunting. It was a real kick seeing him sharing the stage, and looking like a homeless person, with Celine Dion. I’m surprised they didn’t call security on him. A cursory listen to “XO” reveals some very pretty music, but you might want to take a look at those lyrics. Pretty poison, but with all those Beatle references, very pretty.

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Now playing: Elliott Smith - Tomorrow Tomorrow
via FoxyTunes

“Fight Songs” came out before “Satellite Rides”, and it’s almost as good. It’s may even be more tuneful. It’s just not as consistent or energetic. It’s pretty rare these days when I double dip on a band so quickly, but that’s how much I like “Satellite Rides”.
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Now playing: Old 97's - Busted Afternoon
via FoxyTunes

Not bad accompaniment for the holidays.

Christmas:

It was time for more exploration, and again the past seemed the best place to be.

The first disc of "The Essential Johnny Cash" set is easily the best – minimal instrumentation, deep voice. “I Still Miss Someone” is one of the most beautiful songs of lost love we’ll ever hear. “Where You There When They Crucified My Lord?” had me checking my Blackberry to make sure I wasn’t. Disc two is quite good, but more standard commercial country music. The third disc has some covers, like the Stones’ “No Expectations” and Springsteen’s “State Trooper”. All in all, a great compilation.

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Now playing: Johnny Cash - I Still Miss Someone
via FoxyTunes

Elvis Costello recommended the complete works of Duke Ellingtion because it’s a good thing to have around, just like the complete works of that Shakespeare guy. But who has the time or the money? Not me, so I settled for the "Highlights from the Duke Ellington Centennial Edition", which is only three discs. Like most great jazz artists, the Duke is a bit beyond me. And also like those greats, he keeps growing on me. And he’s great to drop into your random playlist, too.
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Now playing: Duke Ellington & His Orchestra - Mood Indigo
via FoxyTunes

The Best:

• Satellite Rides – Old ‘97s
• Hour of Bewilderbeast

The Almost Best:

• Five Leaves Left
• XO
• Sebadoh

Thank god, I’ve finally gotten a couple of great ones from this decade. Things were finally looking up (musically and otherwise). At the beginning of the year – and a few times during it - I wasn’t sure I’d ever want to hear anything again.