March 27, 2022 (Reuters): A conflict has broken out between the nations of Jaybee and Ms. Jaybee. The origins of the conflict are in dispute. One side has said it's about historical inequities and humiliation, while the other says it's just pure aggression.
No matter who is right, it's now a war, and there can be no winners.
When historians look back their first question will, of course, be: Why doesn't Ms. Jaybee love every record Jaybee gets? If she did, none of this would have happened. But one can't go back.
The latest skirmish was just last week:
(Editor's Note: This is a dramatic reconstruction of events. Every effort has been made to ensure its accuracy.)
(Editor's Wife's Note: Sez you.)
"Who's that you've got playing now?" she said.
"Guess," he said.
"Weyes Blood?" she replied. (Editors note: She always says Weyes Blood.)
"Nope. Big Thief," he responded. (Editor's Note: What he didn't say was Ahh ha! I heard you humming it! And to think when I first got it you HATED it!)
(Editor's Wife's Note: Hate is a strong word, which I only use on our anniversary.)
Editor's Note: Perhaps a little background would be helpful:
She liked Weyes Blood and asked him to put it on many times. Although he's the one who actually got it, he liked it less than she did.
On the other hand, when he first got Big Thief she specifically asked that he not play it around her anymore.
And frankly, all the names blended together for her, while each was distinct and etched on his brain as with a chisel on a rock. (Editor's Wife's Note: Dense, thick, rock.)
If asked (Editor's Wife's Note: Don't) he would say it started when he found himself buying more and more rock records by bands led by women. And she - not being able to "accidentally" smash an mp3 like say, certain end table lamps - could only resort to pooh-pooh them, or damn them with faint praise.
Neither Angel Olsen, Snail Mail, Soccer Mommy, or even the Sandy Denny-led Fairport Convention could escape her disdain.
She would counter with, oh yeah? What about Beach House? Alvvays? Best Coast? Mitski? St. Vincent? Fiona Apple? Waxahatchee? Sharon Van Etten? Courtney friggin' Barnett?
Somehow that didn't help him. He had to admit the numbers seemed to be in her favor. But it did seem that the ones he liked the most were the ones she hated the most. There was the rub.
But there was nothing admitted. No satisfaction to be had by either side.
It called for an experiment. Each would give input and a grade to the three records in question:
Dry Cleaning: New Long Leg (2021)
Jaybee: Monotone female vocals, with words that sometimes seem random, combined with a good rhythm section and a rather pointed, distortion-drenched guitar. Fuckin' awesome, in my book.
A-
Ms. Jaybee: Pretty good.
(Editor's note: This is a far cry from her initial expression of disgust.)
(Editor's Editor Note: Disgust is probably too strong a word. Maybe resignation.)
B+
Weather Station: Ignorance (2021)
Jaybee: Mrs. Jaybee would often guess Weyes Blood when he put this on. She was close, but the vocals are a bit more relaxed, the tunes are a bit jazzier, and there's an actual beat. She might consider raising her voice at some point, though. The singer, not the Mrs.
A-
MJB: I like it but don't love it. Good background music.
A-
Haim: Women in Music, Part III (2021)
Jaybee: For some reason, I was expecting loud rock music but instead got pop music in the best sense. Melodic, thoughtful and well played. Not brilliant but talented and worthy. But I'm not sure it couldn't have been done by someone else. Perhaps buoyed by their appearance in Licorice Pizza.
A-
Mrs. Jaybee: Enough of the bullshit already! A
(Editor's Note: I find your enthusiasm baffling. Your first reaction was a shrug)
(Editor's Wife's Note: The shrug was for you.)
Reuter's - March 28, 2022: BREAKING: The warring parties have agreed to a tentative ceasefire.
Mrs. Jaybee reportedly threatened to initiate the equivalent of a nuclear strike: a retaliatory purchase of a music album of her choosing each time Jaybee purchased one, which she would play in his presence each time he did the same.
When Jaybee asked what he could do to prevent this, Mrs. Jaybee replied "Just shutting the f*ck up would be nice".
He agreed, saying "Sure! I was gonna put on a new album anyway. It's by this all-female rock band that I just know you're gonna love..."
Reuter's - March 29, 2022: BREAKING: Jaybee has gone missing, and is believed to be in hiding.
