The Notorious LVB 1804-1805

A Little Background Music:

If you want to get technical, we really have to start in 1802, with what is known as Beethoven's "Heiligenstadt Testament":

"Oh, you men, who think or say that I am evil or misanthropic how immensely you wrong me. You do not know the secret reason... For six years now I have been horribly afflicted... Ah how could I possibly admit a weakness in the one sense which ought to be more perfect in me than in others? A sense which I once possessed in the greatest perfection? Oh, I cannot do it; so forgive me when you see me retreat when I would have gladly spoken with you... I must live alone as if banished."

Well, someone needs a hug!

Seriously, I'm using this after the pandemic for people I plan to socially distance from permanently.  And the deafness part would not be a complete lie, either. 

And for all we know he could be talking about impotence or flatulence. (Yet yet another conspiracy theory!) 

But no, it's his loss of hearing. It's hitting LVB hard, so he's hitting back even harder, at least on his pianos, which he is literally destroying (hear that Jerry Lee, Leon, Elton?) after banging on them so hard to hear the notes. It's no surprise that he considered suicide. Luckily for all, he didn't go through with it, and instead buckled down and wrote his ass off, while, for all intents and purposes, he wore earplugs.

The Third Symphony:

Technically he started composing it back in 1803. But if you're going to single-handedly shove Classical music into the Romantic period it's gonna take a little while.

He had originally thought of naming it after Napoleon, who had been doing some pretty cool things up to that time. But in 1804, when Nappy named himself Emperor, Beethoven angrily rejected him with the immortal words "Well then, fuck that guy". He renamed it the Heroic Symphony, spelled Eroica, which I misread as Erotica, which shows where my mind was/is.

So it's not Napoleonic or Erotic, it's Heroic, which the woke young people tell me is secret code for Homo-erotic. But hey, so's the whole Western canon, and I think, football, right?

Anyway, he finally gets around to having it performed privately, but the public would have to wait a year. Reminds me of The Basement Tapes.

Or maybe Dylan at the Newport Folk Festival, because some people loved it and some hated it. And then years later everybody acknowledged it as a masterpiece and acted like they thought so all along. Like hating Hitler or loving the Ramones.

So how is it?

The first movement starts off with a Bang - On the One, as they say - followed by a mini-crescendo barely a minute in. He continues with all kinds of tricky stop-and-go rhythms, keeping it up for a few minutes,  taking the dare that he can keep this up. He really is the shit at this point.

And it never settles into one single theme. Lotsa little ones, though. (Side two of Abbey Road maybe? Or side one of Low.)

The second movement is the supposedly quiet Funeral March. (Wait, shouldn't that be at the end?) but it's really more pained and dramatic than sad. This is where I think LVB is really dedicating this to himself. To the death of his own hearing. Things wander a bit but not in a boring way. (The White Album?) It just goes its own way, with a slower pace (because funerals are usually upbeat Jaybee?). By the time things pick up, I've changed the volume about thirty times. Very ballsy to go for twelve minutes like this.  But it's gathering momentum.

The third movement takes it from there and clocks in at a relatively short five minutes. striking me as the most traditional-sounding part of this piece. 

The fourth does its level best to kick your ass. and largely succeeds because (gross generalization coming up) it's so much more dramatic and energetic than most classical music that came before. It even plays like movie music for a bit. As if you can really imagine it being used during a battle or chase scene. 

There’s definitely something new and different going on here. It’s like he knows exactly what he wants to do and doesn’t care if - but is sure you will - like it. The rules are out the window, along with his hearing.

One could say he's stretching out, finally becoming himself. Or that since he could no longer hear he had to work harder to make his point. (See those broken pianos above, I guess.) I've even read that LVB's deafness may have "freed" him from being distracted by the musical trends of his day, and thus enabled him to go his own way. As if he wasn't gonna do that in the first place! But I get it.

As shocking in its own way as Stravinsky's Rite of Spring would be a hundred years later, but with a friendlier reception. I guess people weren't such stupid fucking assholes back then. But then again, life's a lot simpler if you've got a bunch of servants or slaves doing all the hard stuff for you, isn't it? And there's no Karl Marx around yet to stir things up yet again (see Napolean). Ah, those were the days! And all those Stravinsky haters would get it out of their system with World War 1.

This one runs longer than the second (which itself was longer than the first). London Calling after Give 'Em Enough Rope?

But after all is said and done I like what I like because I like it, so I still give the edge to the First Symphony.

A-

This must have been pretty wild to see live. See for yourself:

"Beethoven's Third Symphony" with Lenny B conducting

The Notorious LVB: 1802 - 1803

It's 1802, and our friend Ludvig is getting grumpy. He even gets into a fistfight with his brother, who is also his business manager (it's always about the money isn't it?) and they take it to the street, rolling around in the mud. (I'm beginning to really like this guy.)

At least these guys had the class to keep in on the stage:

But then again these blokes not only involve another band but another continent, too.

So what's pissing off Ludvig van? Well, he's starting to realize he's going deaf. This is not you and me in our sixties just having to turn up the volume a bit more. This is a young genius with his whole future in music in doubt. It's understandable that he considers suicide.

The music he premiered in 1803 - mostly written the year before - represents the phase in his career before deafness took over.

Piano Concerto Number 3:

This one's more regal, more Beethovian, and overall less fun than numero uno. 

And the video agrees. Artur/Arthur has that high starched collar that says riff-raff need not apply. And even with us (I assume you're riff-raff, too...) not being in the room Artur/Arthur doesn't seem to be having ANY FUN AT ALL. You wouldn't either if you weren't sure how to spell your own name. But I'll give him this. He gives a shit.

So I'm not saying this is bad. It's just not as playful as the first. And no I don't think it has much to do with Katherina whats-her-name (aside from the fact that she's clearly having a good time). Something is wrong here. Beethoven's losing his hearing and may not even realize it yet. So he's playing it a little safe, even as his abilities increase.

There's a great story about how he was the soloist for the premiere of this piece (more $ that way, you see), and that by then he still hadn't bothered to write a lot of it down, and ended up playing his part from memory. Rehearsals were...tense.  Sounds like a very Dylan thing to do.

Things do pick up at the end of the first movement. And like in the first Concerto the Second movement is that calm oasis before the final movement, which on the whole is okay but not overwhelming.

In short, great for a guy losing his hearing, but just very good in the grand scheme of things.

B+

"Piano Concerto Number Three"

Symphony Two:

This premiered on the same day as the piano concerto! 

It's been said that the odd-numbered symphonies are the best, so it shouldn't be surprising that things aren't a vast improvement from what came before. In fact, it's just as good as number one, just not a quantum leap from it. 

But it is more single-minded, more confident, even with the increasing deafness becoming more apparent. It’s also a little longer than One. LV is stretching out. He knows what he wants to do. He’s emerged with a vision and a complete sense of identity.

And with the first movement, right out of the box, there it is! Kablam! LV is in the house! It's about halfway through when you get that trademark Beethovian seriousness combined with speed, like the early Clash. 

In the first movement, for twelve minutes he wiped the floor with you, but then in the second, for ten minutes, he tries to show you he’s really a sweet guy after all. And convinces you.

In the third movement, things get louder, but not faster. A nice transition.

And in the fourth, it's off to the races, sort of. Fast, slow, loud, quiet - like the Pixies. 

Running thirty-plus minutes - a respectable late-sixties album-length - it's about eight minutes longer than One, which is why I prefer the latter.

If you approach it in terms of vinyl, Symphony One being side one and Symphony Two side two, you might end up thinking Aqualung.

He’s getting better, but the first is still my fave.

 

A-

"Symphony Number Two"

The Notorious LVB: 1801

So our boy is filling out! Looking good and not "scowly" yet. But he is a bit Lennon-y in that this next work was barely done and he starts bitching about it, saying things like "do-over!" So it's all kind of muddy when exactly this was written but I'm going with 1801.

Piano Concerto 1:

Boy, for a piano concerto, there’s a whole lot of everything else going on in it, too. I’m listening for a kazoo right now…

 

So it takes a few minutes before AN ACTUAL PIANO shows up. (Maybe he was late? Okay, piano guy, you're getting an alarm clock for Christmas. Are you happy? Oh, and after the show, you're buying the first round.)

But once there, it goes right to his head and, from then on it's all about him. It's Jerry Lee Lewis before the actual Jerry Lee. He practically gets into a fistfight with the rest of the orchestra. (Doesn't anyone have the guts to fire the guy?? Well, no, because, well, the guy is old Ludvig van.)

So it turns out if all you want to hear is a piano, then you should check out the sonatas, which I have yet to do, so you're on your own.

Anyway, we've lucked out here, because there isn't too much of that fancy pinkie-twinkling they all like to when playing piano and drinking tea. It drives me nuts. If I were the conductor I'd spend the whole time walking around the orchestra like Al Capone, looking for anyone who was doing that, and rapping their knuckles with my baton.

Did you want to hear about the actual music? Well. All. Right.

It’s full to the brim with melody and tempo changes, okay? Ludvig van was most renowned as a piano player when he wrote this, and you can tell he’s already bursting out of that role.

And overall it’s all short and fast - about thirty minutes - so you're not looking at your watch or wishing to burn down the theater. So the rock and roll comparisons, I'd say the first Ramones album, but with a slower start.

And speaking of a cure for getting restless, please check out this performance. If this doesn't make our red-blooded American males fans of classical music nothing will. It will work for lesbians, too I assume. Possibly dead people.

But seriously, the real revelation here is that the pianist is having fun, which up to then was against the law in the Classical music world. There are a couple of parts where she actually shimmies. Watching it made the music more enjoyable and pushed my grade up from a B+.

I guess Neil Young was right. "Live Music is Better" bumper stickers really should be issued. Works for classical music, too!

Maybe especially.

A-

The Notorious LVB: 1800

So it turns out that 2020 was the 250th anniversary of Beethoven's birth. Yeah, I knew that. As of Yesterday! But all this Covidness pushed LVB off the headlines. It's just as well, I would have messed up the math.

Old Ludvig van is popular amongst sociopaths and gets a bad rap as a misanthrope. He would seem to be blowing people off or ignoring them when in fact he was just losing his hearing and became very self-conscious and shy. I think his strategy beats my idiotic "pretending to hear" routine where I nod and smile while someone is telling me their mom just died.

Anyway, on to the music:

First Symphony

I’ve probably listened to this more than any other piece of classical music, both because it’s side one of disc one of the first classical album I ever bought, and that I never got tired of it.

Ludvig Van makes a splash, sort of. It starts out modestly enough, Hadyn in plain sight, then picks up steam. Soon it gets all Moz-arty and finishes with the gusto that seems to say and that ain’t all!

Stately, but with a lot of melody. It isn’t until the fourth movement that you get a real dramatic opening. He’s fast, he’s slow, he’s somber, he’s sprightly, he’s quiet, he’s loud. But he’s not quite Beethoven yet.

So he hits all the marks expected of him, which someone who is about to blow up all those marks ought to do first so people don’t think he’s crazy. Too late, but whatever.

It’s a kitchen sink piece that I’d liken to The White Album, but it’s not nearly as long. It's short and to the point. A rock n roll equivalent might be - depending on your taste the first Monkees, Ramones or Modern Lovers albums, or the American version of Revolver.

And even though it may be my favorite it’s not his peak.

A-

"First Symphony"

World History Project: The Notorious L.V.B. 1980 - 2020

Some Smartypants (Possibly Mrs. Jaybee): Uh, point of order!

Jaybee: What?

SS(PMJ): Look at your title. Some people are going to think you're saying that Beethoven was born in 1980 and died in 2020.

Jaybee: Oh, come on, nobody's that stupid.

SS(PMJ): Do you watch the news?

Jaybee: Okay, point taken. I guess I should clarify. No, Ludvig Van wasn't born in 1980.

(aside) Jesus fuck, do I really have to explain this?

SS(PMJ): Yes, you do. You barely typed the title and you FUBARed Music History, possibly forever. Don't you know Jay Leno used to do "idiot on the street" interviews with people who thought it was Fidel Castro on the penny and the Civil War was in the NINETEEN sixties? Let's not even speak of 2020.

Jaybee: All right, all right, all right! Next thing you know you'll be telling me I don't pick up after myself.

SS(PMJ): Uh...

Jaybee: ANYWAY. Ludvig van Beethoven didn't die in 2020 (great Caesar's ball sack!). That was John Prine. But you were close.

The years above and below merely indicate times when I, Jaybee, immersed myself in LVB's music, and unlike Billy Joel, came out of it still loving rock n' roll.

So, now that we've gotten THAT out of the way...

SS(PMJ): You dropped your napkin.

2020: Corona and BLM

I normally try to keep the "research" for the colder months but COVID-19 and the Minneapolis police fucked that up. In late spring and early summer, when I usually celebrate the warmer weather by listening to lighter, "fun" music, was now dedicated to blocking out things like pandemics and crazy presidents, so I listened to some of my old vinyl.

But even there I'd see dead people, either from the 'Rona, or not.

I had just about finished this when George Floyd was murdered and knew I'd need something stronger. Something from before my lifetime, when there was a good reason for people to be dead.

1980: My First Classical Record

When you move out on your own you have an opportunity to know or remake yourself.

After a few months in my first apartment, I noticed I was eating a lot less red meat than when I lived at home. And First Jaybee Roommate and Best Jaybee Friend Mike got me into reading the Sunday NY Times instead of the Daily News.

Music-wise, I took advantage of Mike's records where I found Errol Garner's Concert by the Sea. Then I started getting jazz albums on my own, like Kind of Blue.

On one particular Sunday, the Times had an ad for the Musical Heritage Society, which was essentially the Columbia Record Club for classical music. They were offering an eight-LP set of Beethoven's Nine Symphonies for only $15! (plus shipping and handling!!). So I said what the hell and - six to eight weeks later - that became my first-ever classical music album. 

 

And as with most of my multi-disc explorations, I tended to play disc-one side-one a lot. And only on rare occasions - like a major "recycling" - got all the way through to disc eight.

2000: Banished to the Dungeon

Another factor that made it literally harder to get to these records was moving all our vinyl to the then-dungeon, now more-or-less-basement of mine and Mrs. Jaybee's house. The CDs were beginning to pile up and our living room was looking too much like a used record store, so down they went.

From that point, I was listening almost exclusively to CDs. I didn't get down to the basement unless there was an unpleasant chore or a prisoner interrogation to do. So LVB - along with a ton of other vinyl - sat there unlistened to for years.

I eventually got CD versions of the symphonies and burned them onto my work PC, where I could listen throughout the workday. I figured I’d just play and play them until they sank in, but all this seemed to accomplish was to blend them all together so that when I hear them I recognize them but I'm not even sure they're Beethoven let alone which symphony. As usual, my best-laid plans were blowing up in my face.

And worst of all, the World History Project was stuck - from a musical standpoint - at around 1800 or so.

2020 Again:

But there's nothing like tragedy and mayhem to sharpen one's focus, and I spent the entire month of June 2020 in a Ludvig Van deep dive.

One side benefit of all this is now that I've got two different versions of the Nine Symphonies, I get to do a Charles Emerson Winchester and say things like version x is "tentative" and version y is "sublime" (which for the longest time I thought was a flavor).

I'm still having issues telling one piece apart from another, but I will cautiously conclude that the CD version (by the Revolutionary Orchestra) is faster. Like the conductor had a lot of coffee or didn’t book enough studio time. By the way, I recommend this approach to anyone who's planning to record anything.

So this is a heads up for/warning about the next few posts, where I'll be going over the LVB Symphonies, and throw in a few other works that I’ve had the pleasure of hearing. But I’m going to break it up into chunks. It would be nuts to do otherwise. Figure it'll take all of February, which is Black History Month (Mrs. Jaybee is suddenly eyeing me very closely.) which in this case is really neither here nor there (Okay Mrs. Jaybee? Maybe not BLM though).

So I’ll tackle it by year, covering 1800 to 1825, with no respect intended, or rather none offered blindly. And rather than bore you with technical terms neither you nor I understand, I will try to relate these symphonies to some of my favorite records and artists. 

I’m STILL trying to figure out who his rock and roll equivalent is. Maybe by the end of all this, I’ll know.

 

But I can only share the tiny slice of his vast output that I've heard. Hmm, perhaps his RNRE is fellow curmudgeon Frank Zappa...

So now that the Best of 2020 (and next best) is out of the way, we'll meet up in February 2021 to talk about 1800.  

What?

2020 Etceteras

Leftovers, effluvia, whatever you want to call them these are the records from my last musical year that never got mentioned.

New Order: Power, Corruption, and Lies (1983) 

My first New Order album (Substance) was also one of my first CDs ever and gave me my first taste of CD abundance. I was just then learning that the typical CD held almost twice as much music as a typical vinyl album, and Substance was a two-CD set! Each CD held twelve cuts, many of which were extended versions of songs. So here I was with 24 songs, each running an average of six minutes long.

And I haven't caught up since!

NO sprang out of the ruins of Joy Division, and sounded quite a bit like them (doomy, droney pop music) for a while, but then blended it with dance music, retaining the best of both worlds. 

This one came out while they were on the cusp of that change. They're not quite out of their Joy Division phase, and not yet the dance music monsters they would become.

And it's just what you'd expect from them. Nothing quite brilliant but nice nonetheless. They were miles ahead of the other synth-pop bands in terms of their singer who, while he couldn't actually sing, at least didn't whine. And a band that didn't try to attempt soul music.  The guitar is my favorite blend of density and lightness - it makes loud noises but doesn't overstay its welcome. The bass is Right. Out. Front. and could pass as a guitar (or drums for that matter.) And the keyboards never take on that tacky synth sound of the early eighties, and thus age well.

"The Village" is a masterpiece of rhythm. (They're white and British(!) so I'm marking on a curve.)

I wouldn't have a clue as to where this one stands in their catalog but it is a very solid album.

B+

"Your Silent Face"

of Montreal: Hissing Fauna, At You the Destroyer? (2007)  

Initially, this was way too preening - a weird combination of 10cc, ELO, and Phoenix, but it has since grown on me. Headphones helped. I could hear the oomph. 

There's a ton of detail here, and what keeps it from getting too fussy - at least for a while - is the commitment in the singing and playing. And it's there. It only gets to be too much (or not enough) about two-thirds of the way through. 

B+

"The Past Is A Grotesque Animal"

Bad Bunny: XPRE-1000 (2019)

Funny story. I thought I was buying Beach Bunny and got this by mistake.

There are subtle differences.

Here’s Beach Bunny.

And here’s Bad Bunny.

HAVING. SAID. THAT. This is not terrible. Good vocals - if autotune is being used, it's not overly obvious.

The beats vary somewhat. This is a very good thing for those of us who don't normally listen to this type of music. (Nice of him to consider the 60+ demographic.)

The melodies are not too intricate or complicated. Just enough to keep you listening. The accompanying instruments are well placed and not overbearing. I even heard the odd word or two in English.

I even heard something that could be construed as rock music if the guitars were slightly louder. Touche!

It flows. It’s not too harsh. What’s not to like? A bit one-note, though.

Jaybe Niece Sara - a Bad Bunny fan - finds the whole thing hilarious.

B+

"Ni Bien Ni Mal"

The Avalanches: Since I Left You (2006)

An amalgam of snippets of other records and sounds. In other words a kitchen sink record. 

Kind of fun, kind of a lark. Kind of the opposite of DJ Shadow. Nothing profound or dark here. Which is kind of the problem. These types of records have to have a few brilliant moments or it's hard to take seriously. This one flows by and you hum to it, but that's all. But there are worse ways to spend your time.

B+

"Since I Left You"

And there are the jazz records that got even shorter shrift: 

Bill Evans: 12 Classic Albums

John Coltrane: The Classic Collaborations 1957-1963

The Modern Jazz Quartet: The Final Concert

And the classical Schubert and Tchaikovsky/Mendelsson records that will come up in a later 

segment of the World History Project.

The front door of my brain is obviously too narrow so I'll just pile them into my work PC and let them play all day, and thus sneak in the back door. 

Which leaves....

2021 To-Dos:

• Attend the Inauguration.
• Catch up on all those records above.
• Beethoven 
• Catch up again on pop music. 

The Tenth Annual Jaybee-bies: 2020 Vision

Executive Summary:

Fuck this year. 

Seriously. 

I'll admit this isn't an original sentiment.

Abstract:

Let me set your expectations right up top here by saying please do not read this for any wise words on this horrendous year. I spent enough time on that here, here, here, well, you get the idea. Right now, I'm just going to focus on the newer (to me) music (or whatever) that got me through it. 

However...

Best Humans:

Smarter people than me have identified the heroes and villains. But here's my very short list of the former. If you can't figure out the latter by now, I can't help you

• Every fucking doctor/nurse/tech/health care worker in the country.*
• Every first responder or front line essential worker.*
• Every teacher.*
• Every mom trying to figure out whether to send their child to school and go to work or to stay home with them.
• Anthony Fauci
• Various internet voices like Don Winslow/John Fugelsang etc.

* Sorry to get all topical and everything, but if you agree with these statements, but don't wear a mask you're part of the problem.

Best Books:

Les Miserables by Victor Hugo

The unabridged version, running 1400 or so pages. Overlong, but so was the French Revolution (which this book is NOT about, but kind of is anyway). Funny, too.

Air Guitar by David Hickey

High-falutin' but never pretentious art theory, which includes but is not limited to Chet Baker, Female Wrestling, Las Vegas, and Perry Mason.

The Mirror and the Light by Hillary Mantel

Henry VIII was an okay king, a bad husband, and an even worse boss.

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt

Overlong and perhaps overrated, but with many sublime moments.

Best Movies:

I didn't really see any so I don't really give a shit. Or is that vice versa?

Best TV:

Bojack Horseman

Better Call Saul

The Good Place

Schitt's Creek

Watchmen

Music Awards:

Most Work (But Worth it): Fiona

Most Work (And Possibly Not Worth It): Bill Evans, but the jury is still out.

Most Surprising (and Not Necessarily in a Good Way): Bad Bunny I meant to get Beach Bunny!

Most Disappointing: Bill Evans, but only because he's not Bud Powell or Thelonious Monk.

Best Artist: Fiona (writer, singer, pianist)

The Best:

1. Big Thief: UFOF (2019) Mrs. Jaybee hates all the soft-voiced women I'm listening to lately, but I love the utter simplicity of the songs and arrangements.
2. Purple Mountains: Purple Mountains (2019) Crushing depression has rarely been so entertaining.
3. Fiona Apple: Fetch the Bolt Cutters (2020) Man, this one's a lot of work, but it's worth it.
4. Funkadelic: Motor City Madness (2006) I'm cheating a bit because I usually don't include compilations, but this one deserves it. I was inspired by my going back to an early best of during the depths of the pandemic. This is o obviously rock n' roll that all I can do is scratch my head and wonder how we missed it back then. They picked up where Sly left off and then handed things off to hip hop before disintegrating. 
5. Frank Ocean: Channel Orange (2012) Wonderfully diverse, melodic, and entertaining.
6. Devo: Q: Are We Not Men? A: We Are Devo! (1978) For a so-called weird record, this is quite tuneful and consistent. 
7. Fripp and Eno: Evening Star (1975) This is the one where dial things back from the other more experimental - but weirdly fun - one I picked up this year. Pretty, weird, with just a touch of ominous. 
8. D'Angelo: Black Messiah (2015) It's great to hear a band (as opposed to just a singer) chugging through these very funky songs one after the other.
9. Fountains of Wayne: Utopia Parkway (1999) Sharper than their first. Their satire is bolder but manages to retain their humanity.
10. Beyonce: Lemonade (2016) Pretty slick but all that production is put to good use. 

Latecomers like Classic Collaborations with John Coltrane (8 albums!) and The Last Concert by the Modern Jazz Quartet (a double) don't make an appearance. And poor Bill Evans is just too subtle over the course of his 12(!) album collection to crack the top ten. But time is on his side.

Some of the best songs I heard this year can be found here.

Conclusions:

This music is probably even better than I'm saying it is. After all, it had more to do than it would have to in a typical year. It couldn't bring just joy or inspiration. It had to provide a lifeline. That's a lot to ask. Too much, really.

And although there have been glimmers of hope in the last two months, one family member died and another just got Covid, so we are not out of the woods yet.  

I hope 2021 lets us relax a little. But I wouldn't go as far as this.

Be well.