Sorry You Took It So Accurately

Last time I implied that Itzy Perlman was lazy by sitting during his performance of LVB's Violin Concerto, thus subtracting a smidge of my enjoyment. Jaybee Friend and Advisor Marty pointed out that Itzy had polio as a kid and so has a better reason for sitting on his ass than I ever will. 

He further suggested I aim slightly higher, perhaps at FDR. 

Hmm... I thought. FDR was safely dead and thus less likely to retaliate. But it just wouldn't look good. (i.e., I might get caught again.)

But having behaved like George Constanza dealing with the elderly I took this under advisement and retreated to Atlantic City (Mar a Lago being occupied) for the weekend to contemplate my future. 

So I did my best to come up with a worthy target, first landing on Charles Krauthammer - also safely dead - but with whom I merely disagreed. Even in our current political climate, it might look cheap.

I even considered fictional characters like Dr. Strangelove, but by the end of the movie he was standing up and he may still be alive. His spirit certainly is.

So I settled on that congressman who punches trees, lies about car accidents, and probably sucks at violin.

So I hope this ends a sad chapter in our natural history, and I can get back to the business of telling you what I think without having to produce any supporting evidence. 

Yes, I see a career in politics in my future, such as it is. And if it's with the Republican party I'll have to be able to take down folks like FDR anyway.

My first act in this new role will be to legalize sneaking up on Stevie Wonder (Ray Charles no longer being available) smacking him in the back of the head and running away. After all, Mr. Wonder is the perfect three-fer GOP target. Black, blind, and - presumably - unable to fight back.

So I can say without fear of contraction that all is well with me. Because, after all, that's the important thing.

Jaybee 2024!