Containing, among other things, my humble effort to bring my fellow fifty(ish) year olds up to date on some current, and frankly, not so current, pop music.
Heroes and GOATS, Part 1: Some Words About Buildings and Food
Caveat Emptor:
Too late! You've been had. I usually try for a clever (for me) title but now I'm just being downright misleading. What's more, the only thing these two concepts have in common is their overuse.
You were taken in because you remember the little item that used to/still(?) appears in the sports section of the Daily News after a "big game" like the Super Bowl, World Series, NBA Finals, Stanley Cup, Westminster Kennel Club Dog Show, etc.
Said item contained two drawings, side by side. One was of the "Hero" - the person who saved the game, and the other was the "Goat" - the one who lost it.
The one above comes from Game 1 of the 1986 World Series, with the Boston Red Sox pitcher Bruce Hurst, whose fine pitching muted the Met offense. On the right is New York Met shortstop Tim Teufel, whose error allowed the winning runs to score.
And it sure boils things down, doesn't it? No game analysis or "team effort" bullsh*t here. Just who saved the day, and, for those whose day was not saved, whose fault it all is. There's something very Catholic about it if you ask me. The Savior and the Sinner, sports edition.
But that was a day in a lifetime ago. I read the News back then, oh boy. New York sports teams occasionally made the grade and played in these games. Times have changed.
I'll not let this prevent me from offering my almost worthwhile thoughts on these two concepts in their current incarnations. We can do Heroes, just for day one.
Heroes:
We heard a lot about "heroes" right after 9/11. And deservedly so, since many people were doing heroic things. Over time, though - like many accolades before it - the term got overused and misapplied. (Those music bloggers! They're the real heroes!)
One way you could tell that things were getting out of hand was when the term would get applied to an already famous person. How often have you seen newspaper articles or news clips about movie stars who fall ass-backward into some dicey situation only to then be thrust forward and portrayed as the hero of said situation? Print the legend, as they say. As a general rule, though, if they were famous, they were not heroes. I'd make the case (if I weren't so lazy) that actual heroism is in inverse proportion to fame.
In the aftermath of 9/11, the fictional character Jack Bauer from the show 24 was held up as a hero. Politicians who should have been doing their jobs would instead say how much we could use a Jack Bauer type to solve our problems. ("Mr. Mayor, we were discussing jaywalking...").
The Heroic spectrum/slippery slope/sliding scale whatever you wanna call it goes something like this:
Speaks His Mind > Cuts Through Red Tape > Maverick > A Man of Action > Vigilante > Fascist
Yeah, it gets dark pretty fast.
Hence my weariness/wariness of the term.
Even when the person is a hero, we slap each other on the back and forget to figure out what made said heroism necessary in the first place. All too often such stories, when plumbed for the facts leading up to the heroic act, point to institutional failure.
Much like those heartwarming stories of kids selling lemonade to cure cancer, once we hear about it, and our hearts are duly warmed we forget to ask what should be the obvious question: Why the hell is a KID trying to fix this problem?? The answer, of course, is: Because the adults have failed to.
By all means, buy the lemonade, but then vote out the congressperson who cuts cancer research. He/she isn't campaigning on that platform, per se. He/she is usually calling it "tax cuts".
The same goes for the grown-up hero. It's great what they do, but it's often something that wouldn't have needed doing if the rest of us addressed the problem in the first place. We shouldn't just thank him/her. We should f*cking apologize, too.
So, when I hear the word "hero" I have to suppress a shudder. And I'm supported by some famous (and occasionally fictitious) people:
I will now put in a good word for those heroes I can always and unreservedly applaud, knowing there's no political or institutional failure being covered up. They break down into two categories:
Hot:
Chicken (or eggplant, or shrimp, etc.) parmigiana has to rank way up there, right? And let's pause to appreciate the oxymoronic phrase "chicken hero".
Meatball
Do the roast beef sandwiches from John's Deli count?
Cold:
Speaking of roast beef, my go-to has lettuce, tomato, mayo, salt, pepper (provolone optional)
A personal favorite: Red peppers, fresh mozz, prosciutto, sun-dried tomatoes, green cracked olives, basil, olive oil and balsamic vinegar
And. That's. About. It. Unless I've somehow convinced you to try goat parmigiana.
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